Lets talk about Sex


Warning: This article contains references and bad puns relating to SEX. If you have an aversion to such matters, I suggest you read this article anyway because I specifically mention you in it.

So apparently the not so “clean” among us all are pining for my views on a naughty little subject. I guess it comes as no surprise to me that every return on my invitation to pick a topic for me wanted me to spend time illuminating my views on the pros and the cons of good old copulation.

Where to begin. I mean really, this subject is probably the one thing above all that seems to alienate potential converts to the church. You tell someone as they are coming to finally believe that they now have to give up either the continuous act of sex or the idea that they wont be a virgin till they are old and ready to marry. It has sparked huge debates within the church and within its members. Is sex outside marriage a total sin? Is it forgivable? Is gay sex OK? Why is it that the stigmata of having had sex in the past haunting people within the church after they give it up? Who cares? Is abstinence just a waste of time?

While I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers to these questions I am going to at least try to touch on all of them. And all without citing the bible (cause if I did, I’m sure some “open-minded” person would have a fit of no logic being portrayed in this article.) But before I get into all of that stuff, what is it that makes sex not just appealing (it is), but that makes it perhaps the one thing that gets under everyone’s skin (pardon the pun).

When most of us christians hear the word “sex” or anything thats associated with it, more often than not, hordes of us squirm in our seats. Red faces abound, ladies titter, men cough, and old women gasp. For some reason, the one thing that makes our race possible seems to be the biggest elephant in the room. How is it we got to this point? If all those red faced and tittering women (no pun intended) were objecting to the fact that sex exists they wouldn’t be here, and neither would their children. Its as if the basest action of all should not be spoken of.

I have often wondered why so may christians seem to think that sex, or talking about it, is such a “horrible” thing. The only thing I have come up with that makes any lick of sense is that they are embarrassed because sex is a drug to them, their biggest weakness. A lot of christians have grown up in families where the speaking of sex was discouraged or even forbidden. Questions from teenagers to their parents over the workings of the birds and the bees are often met with the red face, the stuttering, and a “go ask your father” who then becomes angry that their child is thinking such things. Therefore the child grows with ever widening curiosity and wonderment at this forbidden thing their parents seem to want to hide from them. As anyone knows, tell a child that something is forbidden and all the more they want it.

And so little Johnny or Susie, aged 14 – 18 decide to go into the world and find out themselves. THey get mixed up with people who, like them, want to discover the forbidden thing. And so after much touching and awkward fumbling with clothes the fruit is discovered and the juices overflow (sorry). Now what we can all agree on, virgin and non-virgin alike, is that sex feels better than anything apart from illicit drugs. And as these children have been brought up in a home where talking about sex is a sin in and of it self, they now have no guidance, no map with which to follow. All they have are those good fashioned teenage hormones which are more than willing to take hold of little Johnny or Susie and lead them around by the genitals.

And so they grow up having known nothing but the addiction to sex. Eventually though, in their late twenties, after their wild and illustrious college days, they discover that their addiction has been a vice for them, that all emotion, or at least most of it, has been drained from the experience. They settle down, start a family, the addiction still playing in their mind trying to get them to start up again. And then one day their child comes to them asking about sex and they make the mistake of saying “go ask your father.”

Ok, so thats an over simplified version and a stereotypical one at that. We all know that they might have learned from their experience and taught their children otherwise. IN all actuality thats probably what would happen. The problem is with their peers. As these children grew up, their christian peers would have their parents tell their children “see susie? She’s a whore because she had sex, look at her now”. These are really the children who start the cycle again.

At any rate, the problem here is simple. Christian parents seem to think that sex is morally wrong, that its dirty, and that they should protect their children from it. THere is a fear of wanting to discuss it, like its some kind of sin to avoid, like its some kind of vice that if they speak it or hear it they will suddenly become a despot sex addict who will walk the streets in New York turning tricks by the dozen. This of course leaves the child with no where to turn but to their own hormones which don’t really have much to say other than “i want! I want now!”.

I say that parents need to talk to their kids about sex, often, and be accessible to them when they have questions. Ok maybe you don’t always need to explain to little Bobby why those two men are hugging each other like that when he’s only 12, but you get the idea. Let children know what sex is, what a great thing it is, and why its a good idea to wait to have any of it. Let them know that they are special, that they are worth waiting for. If you instill within them some self-respect they will realize that their virginity is something that should only be given to someone who really deserves it, not some guy who they just met the first day of college. With a little guidance, children learn that maybe having sex isn’t necessarily the best way to learn about it.

Which brings me to the next point. Why wait? Why deny ourselves the pleasure of sex? If two people are willing to give their bodies over to each other, what does it matter? To be honest, once you move out of the house, and once you are on your own and an adult, I don’t really care if you wait or not anymore. I’ve learned that at that point the person is going to be pretty much made up in mind about whether or not they are going to wait anymore. And at that age I would suppose they are able to grasp and deal with any and all consequences that rise from their actions (though few do sadly enough). My problem is with society at large telling teens its totally OK for them to bang each-other like rabbits. We not only tell them that, we encourage it. In high-schools everywhere, sex Ed is taught with emphasis not on “hey its probably a good idea if you wait, but if you cant wait heres how to be safe about it” but on “waiting is for losers, heres not only how to be safe but how to get more”. Condoms are passed out as high-schools like candy. Abortions on demand are common place for teens who wind up with an “inconvenient” consequence of their actions. And all this is perfectly OK.

My question is, these kids are still kids aren’t they? We ban child pornography in the U.S. We don’t let kids buy cigarettes cause they might be dangerous. We don’t let them have guns. But shoot fire if we don’t let them have sex at age 12. Heck, what they do is their business right? What have we disintegrated into? Like it or not, this pleasure seeking is playing with lives on a major scale. Not only am I saying here that the unborn are being played with, but the participants lives are being played with as well. Sex is a deeply emotional attachment in any relationship, especially to women. Having someone else enter their body for the first is a very meaningful experience. And today, more often than not, the person they made that attachment to dumped them like yesterday’s newspaper. What does that do to them emotionally? How are their future relationships affected? I can tell you one thing, its not a positive influence.

But thankfully this isn’t always the case. Sometimes people learn from their mistakes and decide that while sex is great, it should really be saved for someone who they really love, like a husband or wife. however, even if they do note the errors of their ways, these poor souls are normally the object of more ridicule in their church if they are Christians than if they were just loose and everyone knew it. Why? Because they are a hypocrite, especially if they ever relapse and fall into the trap again. What kind of encouragement is that? Pitiful if I do say so myself. I have seen more than my share of girls and guys, girls mostly, in churches become the objects of scorn because they messed up once than those who are known to be an easy lay. (mostly Pentecostals by the way)

So I Guess so far in this survey of sex I’ve skipped the most important question, is sex a good thing or not? Heck yeah its a good thing. Sex is the ultimate culmination of a relationship. After sharing thoughts, idea, dreams, tears, and laughter, you give your partner your very body. There is nothing more you can give them past this besides your life. It is no coincidence that God made sex an extremely pleasurable experience. And for those of you who are screaming “evolution!” let me just point out that humans are the only mammals that do no have a penis bone. What does that mean? it means that humans are the only mammal that needs mental and physical stimulation to become aroused. We aren’t designed to mate on demand as other species are. We have to have that mental stimuli. And yes, i, as a man myself, know how “stimulating” just the sight of a naked women is, but ask any married person, in all honesty, who fooled around before getting married, if sex without commitment was better or worse and almost to man they will tell you that with commitment is far better. The sensuality of being with someone you love rather and someone you “want for the night” is much, much greater.

So why wait? Why not just bang the chick you “love” right now? Well… you could, I guess. But why? Jumping into bed may sound like a good idea but is it really? Do you know how your relationship will fair if you bring that element into it? THe answer in most cases is “no” or “oh it will make it even better!” or worse “it will save the relationship.” In my years of talking with peers and others I have learned one thing: sex in a non-committed relationship leads to nothing but trouble. Sex for the sake of sex in the relationship can quickly degrade the couple into nothing more than “friends with benefits”. They keep each-other around just to pleasure themselves. If you think it will make it better consider what-else could make it better first, cause once you pull out the old sex card there’s not really much to top it except for marriage itself. Are you willing to skip all the appetizer and entrĂ©e and go straight to desert? if you think it will save the relationship, you are dead wrong. Its already doomed if you are at the point of considering this. All you will be doing is giving yourself a false sense of hope with the ultimate gift with the foreknowledge (and not the realization) that its going to end soon anyway. You are just delaying the inevitable.

So what if you are in a committed relationship? Is it really that committed? Heres a good test: would you let your significant other have control of your bank account? If not, then you’re not committed enough. If yes, and if you are really considering marriage and you are both adults, well, whatever. I cant stop you. All I can say is that you are old enough to realize the weight of your decision. I would still have to say its a bad idea though, why not just wait till the marriage? “We cant get married yet! I don’t have enough money! it’ll be some years off! ” yeah well… whatever. Knock yourself out I guess, but don’t say I didn’t warn your =P

So what have I ranted about here? To sum up this incoherent article on making love: talk to your kids about sex and why they should respect themselves enough to give their virginity to someone who deserves it, don’t sleep around, sex is good, and you would wait!. I think that sums it up pretty well. I know I didn’t cover everything I said I was going to talk about at the beginning of this article, but if you would like to know something more specific, just email me or ask.

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  1. #1 by Ryan on August 29, 2006 - 5:23 pm

    You should edit this article. It’s a good first draft, but many of your arguments are half-solid. They’re not weak, but they’re not quite all the way there, either.

    Also, try not to be so “my experience defines all”. Easier said than done, since we all debate to the best of our personal abilities and greatly rely on personal experiences. But for example, you say the message in schools is very loose and not a message of “You should wait, but here’s what you can do if you just can’t wait.” The latter is precisely what my school system always taught. Abstinence, abstinence, abstinence. Guys were never passing around condoms in school. They’d go on their own time to the drug store.

  2. #2 by Tsunami.No.Ai on August 29, 2006 - 6:47 pm

    How about you look up what “survey” means? Second, i asked you for specific arguments in your suggestion, you only said “sex”. Youre going to get half assed arguments when asking me, in one article, to sum up my ideas that cover a small library of books on the subject. The most thats going to get done in a survey like this is the presentation of agruments, not the full blown argument. I lay out, heres an argument, heres one side, heres the other, im on this side, moving on. Dont like it? Be more specific when i tell you to be.

(will not be published)